it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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