I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
