I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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