you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
