But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Randomize
