Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
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