Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
