This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
