Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
