jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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