So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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