Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You're like the curious george of whores
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
