just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Just puked most of my soul out..
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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