Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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