I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
