My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
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i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
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Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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