Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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