i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
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Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
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It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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