So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
