Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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