your room smells of hookers.
And success
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
