Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
