I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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