my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
