Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize