just tell him i said nine months
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
