So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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