i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
