I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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