I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
