Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
