Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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