I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
