I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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