ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
