Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
