Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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