They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
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Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
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I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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