i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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