i just google imaged poop.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
