I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
