Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
