i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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