Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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