oh god the rape fog is back!
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
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i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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