What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You are a genius and a whore.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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