I should be sponsored by Trojan
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
