OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
