THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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