I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
