he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
