does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
