Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
