just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
