A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
