he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
