i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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