i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
