fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
