my text book just quoted the cookie monster
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
