Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
