I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
