That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
